Co-dependency
Co-dependency is regularly found in people who suffered neglect, maltreatment or abuse in their youth. They are likely to have come into contact with a form of addiction early on (e.g. their parents may have suffered from a dependency) which is why they never received the support that is necessary to grow and develop healthy basic needs.
Need for control with co-dependency
Co-dependency is a disorder where one has an almost irrepressible need to control others and situations. Your life revolves mainly around taking care of others, while your own needs are often neglected. You feel responsible towards others; rather than just empathizing, you have a tendency to feel and think for the other person. And as if that was not enough, you try to manipulate others into the direction you perceive as being the best for them. You will often deny facts and problems or have a distorted view on these, because you want to maintain the feeling that everything is under control. Through your care and support, you control everything. Saying no is too difficult; people need you.
Being unable to say no
The need to care for others and to help them in all situations is what drives you; as a result, you lose sight of your own needs. You are constantly torn by your compassion for people in need; after all, you are the perfect person to help these people. You cannot say no. Having been deprived of certain basic needs when you were a child, you never managed to develop a healthy sense of self-esteem, set your boundaries and refrain from overextending your abilities. You are unable to articulate your deepest feelings and keep your emotions and needs to yourself. You utterly fail to acknowledge and recognize (in words and actions) your basic urges and needs. No matter how unfair the people to whom you devote your entire life may treat you, you are always available.
We often see that people with an addictive habit share their life with someone in whom we discern symptoms of co-dependency, but this is not a rule of thumb. However, a hankering for love and acceptance is generally, almost without exception, part of the mix.
Special programs for co-dependency
SolutionS offers a special programme to people with co-dependency issues. The programme pays special attention to developing a healthy sense of self-esteem, learning to strike a good balance between giving and receiving love and care and learning how to set your own boundaries and act accordingly.